Connections&
September 10, 2000

• Jesus put his finger into the man's ears and, spitting, touched his tongue; then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, "Ephphatha!" - that is , "Be opened!"      Mark 7:31-37
  

Roberta's mother-in-law was on the telephone telling her daughter-in-law about their harrowing drive back home to New York from Florida.
     "The first time the car broke down we were somewhere in North Carolina," her mother-in-law said, "and we had it fixed, and then it stalled again in Delaware, and one more time, I don't remember where.  But the worst was on the Verrazano Bridge during rush hour.  It seemed as if we'd never get home."
     "That sounds terrible," said Roberta, and was about to launch into her own automotive horror story.  But someone was knocking on the mother-in-law's door, so she had to get off the phone.  As she said goodbye, Mom added, "Thank you for listening, but thank you most of all for not telling me your worst car story."
     At first, Roberta was taken aback by her mother-in-law's parting words, but as she thought about it, soon realized the wisdom of her mother's closing thank you.  Roberta Israeloff writes in Women's Day (July 13, 2999): 
     " I can't count the number of times I've begun to complain--only to have my friend cut me off after two or three sentences with a well-intentioned but nonetheless misguided, I know exactly what you're going through.  The same thing just happened to me.
     "Suddenly we're talking about her ungrateful kid, her lousy boss, her leaky fuel line, and I'm left nodding my head in all the right places, feeling angry and ripped off, wondering if we haven't all come down with a bad case of emotional attention disorder.
     "Nothing's more natural that trying to soothe an overwrought friend with assurances that she's not alone.  But calamities resemble each other only from afar; up close they're as unique as fingerprints.
     "What we all hope for, when we turn to a friend because we're feeling low or agitated or wildly happy, is to find someone who sounds as if [he/she] has all the time in the world, someone who doesn't rush us.  We don't always want answers or advice.  Sometimes we just want company.
     "I'm learning to follow the other person's lead, to pay attention to body language, facial gestures, tone of voice; to hear what's left unsaid; to recall relevant details and make helpful associations and connections& This ability to be with someone in [his/her] pain and happiness is the cornerstone of genuine empathy.  We have to immerse ourselves in another's experience, to sustain attention in the other person, to listen."
CONNECTION:  In today's gospel, Jesus restores the deaf man's hearing with the word Ephphatha--Be opened!  We, too, can bring healing and life to those who need the support, the affirmation,  the peace of loving and being love that the simple act of listening can give.  The theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer observed that "the first service one owes to others [as Christians] consists in listening to them.  Just as the love of God begins with listening to his Word, so the beginning of love is learning to listen to them.  It is God's love for us that he not only gives his Word but lends his ear& Christians so often think that they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others& They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.