Before I forget...   

Some people clip coupons.  I clip all sorts of things from magazines.  The file is overflowing; so as I clean it out, I'll share some of my favorites with you this week.   
· My husband and I divorced over religious differences--He thought he was God and I didn't.
"The Best T-shirts of summer 2001"
· More of Life's Unanswered Questions:
-If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
-If cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
-If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
-If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
-Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
-Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  "Life's Unanswered Questions"
· "Cash, check or charge?"  I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.  As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry a your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
   -AAA Jokes
· And we wonder why things go wrong! 
A husband and wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment.  The husband realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. for an early morning business flight to Chicago.  Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5 a.m."  The next morning he woke up, only to discover it was 9 a.m. and that he had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.  The paper said, "It's 5 a.m. Wake up."
   -Source unknown

· We must care for our bodies as though they were going to live forever, but we must care for our souls as if we are going to die tomorrow.
-St. Augustine
· A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.  In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"  Hands started to go up.
He said, "I am going to give this to one of you, but first, let me do this.  He proceeded to crumple up the bill.  He then asked, "Who still wants it?"  Still the hands were up in the air.  "Well," He replied,  "what if I do this?"   He dropped it on the ground, and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.  He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.  "Now, who still wants it?"  Still hands went up.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.  No matter what I did with the money, you still wanted it, because it did not decrease in value.  It was still worth 20 dollars.   Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.  We feel that we are worthless, but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value, dirty or clean, crumpled or finally creased, you are still price less to those who love you.  The worth of our lives comes not in what we do, or whom we know, but by who we are."
   -Source unknown
· If you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it, change your attitude.  Don't complain.
-Maya Angelou
Enjoy your summer!  You're great!
Fr. Bill
P.S.  Did Noah really take two mosquitoes with him on the ark?  And, if so, why?  I'm not complaining.