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Using “JESUS” To Help Your Kids
Be
Successful
Do I sound like a therapist a when I say that almost 100% of the
difficulties experienced by our children can be traced to one of
five simple things that are missing in their lives? It’s true.
After reading this short article, and carefully considering some of
the problems that your child is experiencing, you will see that the
origins of hardships kids experience are easier than you think to
figure out. We all (kids and adults) need to feel the
following five forces in our lives. When one or more is
lacking, negative behaviors rear their heads.
J=Feeling Jesus in their
life
E=Feeling of
Esteem
S=Feeling like they are
Skilled
U=Feeling of
Unity with our
families
S=Feeling a sense of Spirit within
themselves
Lets take a closer look at these ideas one at a time.
Feeling Jesus in their life
The steady discipline of intimate friendship with Jesus
results in men becoming like
him.
~Harry Emerson
Fosdick~
The birth of Jesus happens anew every
time a child is born in our society. In each child is the seed
of Jesus and his way of being and relating to others here on
earth. Infants do not have the ingredients with which to help
these seeds grow. As parents and adults, it is our
responsibility to nurture and fertilize these seeds through our
actions and by helping each child to meet and know Christ.
Younger children often have a great thirst to get to know Jesus
through church, Sunday school and discussion with adults.
Older children can be more easily drawn to question his existence as
they try to make logical sense of an illogical and often evil
world. It is our job to introduce Jesus, reintroduce him
daily, and model his doctrines.
Knowing
Jesus does not insure that a child will be whole as an individual,
and be a contributing part of his or her world. What knowing
Jesus does is make this fulfilled life possible. Read on to
see what we as parents and responsible adults must add to knowing
Jesus with our kids so they can realize success as self-reliant
resilient kids who contribute and cooperate and impact their world
with and for Jesus.
Feelings of esteem
We all want to feel like we matter in
the world that we live in. We need to feel like we make a
difference, from a very early age, until we die and go to
heaven.
Even in infancy we are
learning to go from completely dependent on others to dependency
with a sense of autonomy. You probably remember your children
beginning to discern who they can trust, and who they can’t.
They learn who they can count on. This is a precursor to
realizing they can feel a sense of self, and consequently a sense of
self-esteem. Into childhood, more autonomy is seen and
children take part in different groups such as family, church,
school and peer groups. They take on roles in these groups and
learn to decide by how others respond to them whether they should
feel esteemed or not. Adolescents take this one step further
and actively pursue roles that bring self-esteem.
If a child does not believe they
deserve esteem, they may conclude that negative influence is better
than none at all. Offer your child a chance to help so they
can show their prowess in a positive rather than a negative
manner.
Feeling like they are skilled
How do you feel at those times in your
life when you feel that you can’t take care of yourself? No
one wants to feel incompetent.
Infants
begin toward forming their first words and taking their first steps
as soon as they are physically and cognitively ready. God
seems to will them toward this sense of felling proficient and
skilled. Children as they get older seem to strive to show
their skill. Some parents don’t allow them to practice and
fail. Have you ever found yourself doing for your child rather
than allowing them to experience and fall short. Children will
identify this as a lack of trust or confidence in them and will
believe that the control you model is what is expected of
them. Children can then seek to dominate you or others. If
this sense of skill is nurtured into adolescence, self-reliance and
self-control will allow them to know that they can take care of
themselves and feel good about
themselves.
Children who don’t feel
skilled, who don’t feel validated in their lives seek to grab power
any way that they can rather than acting self-reliant. Don’t
get in a power struggle with these children. Allow them to
show their power in positive ways.
Feelings of unity in the family
Humans have always associated. We
strive to be part of a family, a neighborhood, a church, a peer
group, a team, and so on. In as much as we are driven to
unite, we strive to depend and to be depended upon. We all
need our time alone, but more important is the need to feel
connected and as one.
This need is
possibly most evident in the infant. What infant doesn’t
strive to be connected to those in his or her world? This is a
time for being dependent. As we progress through our
childhood, we come to be more and more dependable and strive to see
the community in the eyes of those we love and associate with.
At times in our lives if we experience a lack of union with others
we will tend to rely only on ourselves and isolate. Children
will experiment with both isolation and interdependence.
Children will learn to collaborate and cooperate as they see success
in their ability to unite with family members and others.
Adolescents who become good and confident in this area are the
leaders in their worlds.
Children
who don’t feel united feel vulnerable and seek attention, often in
negative ways. Try not to give in. Offer positive
attention in place of negative. Just be together, even when
your child misbehaves.
Spirit within their being
As adults we strive to feel the Holy
Spirit within us. Children who struggle with the intricacies
and profound meanings of our faith first seek a spirit within
themselves. They seek a reason to be and a reason to
succeed. Infants and small children are often very good at
this. They toddle, then walk, then run and seem driven to
succeed. As children get older, if we as adults do not
recognize this spirit and sense of courage within a child, they will
tend to focus on what they cannot do. This is especially true
for adolescents who are neither adult nor are they children.
Their worlds are so unsure and full of pressure and temptation that
they cannot show flexibility or confidence and avoid difficult
situations out in feelings of ineptitude. Show your child that
you believe in their spirit. Show them that you also have
spirit and that it helps you succeed.
Children that do not have a distinct sense of confidence and spirit
avoid trying. They believe that they will not succeed.
Praise the successes and overlook the failures. Failures are
successful learning opportunities if you regard them as such.
So…
When your child, or one that you know
and love is experiencing difficulty in their life, use JESUS to help
figure out what they may be lacking to deal with the specific
issue. Maybe they are seeking attention because they feel a
lack of unity to others. Maybe they are seeking a sense of
domination because they lack a sense of skill in their world.
Maybe they are trying to get even because they lack esteem.
Maybe they withdraw because they don’t have a strong spirit glowing
in their heart. Or maybe, just maybe, they need to be
reacquainted with their Jesus. Whichever, you can help them
heal. Remember that seed of Jesus that you were born
with? It’s still there.
If you have questions about this article, or would like to
request a topic, feel free to call (612) 618-0883. Thank
you!
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